The Power of Parents

Nordstrom is a company with a reputation for excellence in customer service. But according to former chairman, Bruce Nordstrom, the secret is not to be found in its employee training programs or handbooks. He says, “We can hire nice people and teach them to sell, but we can’t hire salespeople and teach them to be nice.”

“Then who trains your salespeople?” someone asked.

His answer? “Their parents.” (Robert Spector and Patrick McCarthy, The Nordstrom Way, John Wiley & Sons, Hoboken, New Jersey, 2005; 91-92.)

Unfortunately that cannot be said about many young people. More often than not, the values of today’s younger generation are the product of the society in which they were raised—not the values of their parents. These findings are confirmed by the research of psychologist, Jean Twenge. In her fascinating book, “Generation Me – Why Today’s Young American’s Are More Confident, Assertive, Entitled -- and More Miserable Than Ever Before,” she states: “The society that molds you when you are young stays with you the rest of your life . . . Or, in the words of a[n] . . . Arab proverb, ‘Men resemble the times more than they resemble their fathers.’"

Thus, a behavior that was unacceptable to one generation becomes perfectly acceptable to the generation that follows. Why? Because society says it’s ok—whether we’re talking about fashion, music, sexual behavior, appropriate language, etc. And at the root of it all is the attitude that what matters most is what pleases the individual, no matter what anyone else thinks.

I cite a few examples from Twenge’s book:

 “During a recent episode of her . . . talk show, Ellen Degeneres [a person who has a surprising influence on the younger generation, even LDS women] said that the most important thing is ‘how you feel and being happy.’ But when I asked my mother (born in 1943) about this, she said, ‘In the early 1960’s, most people would have said the most important things were being honest, hardworking, industrious, loyal, and caring about others. I can’t even remember thinking about whether I was happy. That’s not to say we weren’t happy—we just didn’t focus on it.’”

 “Today’s under-35 young people . . . [have] never known a world that put duty before self . . . Jessica was born in 1985. When Jessica was a toddler, Whitney Houston’s No. 1 hit song declared that “The Greatest Love of All” was loving yourself. Jessica’s elementary school teachers believed that their most important job was helping Jessica feel good about herself. Jessica scribbled in a coloring book called "We Are All Special," got a sticker on her worksheet just for filling it out [whether the answers were correct or not], and did a sixth-grade project called “All About Me.” When she wondered how to act on her first date, her mother told her, “Just be yourself.” Eventually, Jessica got her lower lip pierced and obtained a large tattoo on her lower back because, she said, she wanted to ‘express herself.’ She dreams of being a model or a singer. She does not expect to marry until she is in her late twenties, and neither she nor her older sisters have any children yet. “You have to love yourself before you can love someone else,” she says.

 “The trend toward more informal dress has accelerated in the past ten years, with many companies opting for ‘business casual’ and others going for just plain casual. The trend reached all the way to the top in July 2005, when about half the members of the Northwestern University women’s lacrosse team wore flip-flops during their White House visit, resulting in a picture of the president of the United States standing next to several young women wearing shoes that were once reserved for walking on sand or showering in skuzzy gymnasiums.”

 “Many young people abandon organized religion because of, you guessed it, the restrictive rules it often imposes.” One young woman, raised a Catholic, said that “by adulthood [she] came to believe that humans all have natural, animalistic urges; she stopped believing [in her religion] because feeling guilty ‘made me unhappy.’” Another said, “I believe that whatever you feel, it’s personal . . . Everybody has their own idea about God and what God is . . . You have your own personal beliefs . . . what’s acceptable for you and what’s right for you personally.”

Hats off to parents who don’t sit back and let their children make up their own minds about values and standards, who teach that there is such a thing as right and wrong and that those things don’t change depending on which way the winds of society are blowing.

Don’t misunderstand me here-- I’m not advocating that parents dictate and demand compliance in these matters. I’m advocating the showing of some backbone in 3 important ways:—teaching the values, telling their children why those principles are important to them, and then living them. It takes all three.

Oh, that every child could say, like Nephi, “I was born of goodly parents, therefore I was taught.”