"Sorry's"

Years ago when one of our grandsons was about two years old, he said something unkind to our youngest daughter. Overhearing this remark, his mother said, "That wasn't a very nice thing to say. I think you ought to tell your aunt that you're sorry." The two-year-old's response caught her off guard. "I can't," he said. "Why not?" she asked.  "Because I don't have any sorry's left in my mouth," he said.

Retelling this story among family members always generates laughter as we try to visualize a two-year-old saying such a thing. But it's clearly no laughing matter when we encounter more mature individuals who seem to have never learned to say the words I'm sorry.

What separates the noble from the selfish is how we react when we learn we've made a mistake. Some of the people I work with display the inability -- or unwillingness -- to ever acknowledge their errors. It's an amazing thing to observe. When someone points out that one of these individuals has made a mistake they react with a blank stare, never offering an apology. Another individual I know acts as if their good intentions should nullify any hurtful effects of their actions. Instead of apologizing for hurtful behavior, all they say is, "I didn't mean for that to happen." They leave you with the feeling that what they really meant to say is "Get over it!"

To see adults treating each other this way is bad enough, but how do you explain the actions of a parent who is unwilling to apologize after physically or emotionally hurting a child? Do they feel their position as parents grants them immunity from offering apologies? One of the remarkable attributes of little children is how quickly they forgive when we drop our defenses, stop hiding behind our parental authority, and bend down to their level with a heartfelt, sincere "I'm sorry."

I like what Joseph F. Smith said about dealing with children: "Speak to them kindly; get them down and weep with them if necessary, and get them to shed tears with you if possible. Soften their hearts; get them to feel tenderly toward you. Use no lash and no violence . . . approach them with reason, persuasion, and love unfeigned . . . You can't do it any other way. You can't do it by unkindness" (Gospel Doctrine, p. 316).

There is no shame in apologizing when we've fallen short, or when our words or actions, no matter how well-intended, inadvertently hurt another. The world will not end if we have to admit we're less than perfect. In fact, others will always think better of us when we're willing to show that we have some sorry's left in our mouth.