Couldn't Happen Here!

Don’t Let the First Paragraph Fool You – This Is About Pornography, Not Obesity

Most Americans agree with experts who warn that childhood obesity is a growing problem (no pun intended). What’s ironic, however, is that when polled on this subject, four out of five parents said they weren’t worried about their children becoming obese (NPR report, March 4, 2013).

That poll illustrates a tendency most of us have. Researchers call it “optimism bias,” a tendency to believe that we’re more “special” than others. As a result, we generally under-estimate the likelihood of certain negative things happening in our own lives, such as dying from cancer or auto accident, and we over-estimate the likelihood of positive things, such as our longevity or believing that our children will naturally be brighter than other children—even when statistics prove otherwise.

Tali Sharot’s research shows how “optimism bias” manifests itself. She gave a fascinating TED talk on the subject. It can be viewed here.here. I think you’ll enjoy her presentation (even though the ending is a bit cheesy).

Examples of “optimism bias” include:

- Life-long, heavy smokers who believe they are less likely than other smokers to contract lung cancer.

- Newlyweds who firmly believe that, in spite of statistics showing that 40-50% of all marriages end in divorce, their marriages will never fail.

- Teens who engage in smoking, drug use, and unsafe sex, because, in their minds, addiction, unplanned pregnancy, and sexually transmitted diseases only happen to others.

- People with poor eating habits who don’t exercise but still consider themselves as a below-average risk for heart disease, even after they’ve read articles indicating that they are prime candidates.

In her presentation, Sharot illustrates this bias by asking members of her audience the following questions:

“When compared with the general population --

1. How well do you get along with others?

2. How does your driving ability compare with others?

3. How interesting are you?

4. How attractive are you?

5. How honest are you?

6. How modest are you?”

In each category the overwhelming majority ranked themselves as “above average” – something that is statistically impossible.

I am not an expert on this topic. Nevertheless, I have some real-world experience giving me a nagging suspicion that Latter-day Saints have a particularly strong “optimism bias” regarding how they feel about the likelihood of a family or ward member becoming involved with or addicted to pornography.

I’m not talking about denial. Denial is different. Denial of a pornography addiction (and there’s more of that in the Church than you’d ever guess) is what the addict does when he tells himself he’s not hurting anyone. Denial is what the addict does when he tells himself he can stop anytime—because he’s done it hundreds of times. It’s what spouses of the addicts do when they say, “He just has a little pornography problem.” Denial is manifest in a quick “I’m sorry” prayer on the way to a temple endowment session or on Saturday night when the addict is preparing his priesthood lesson. Denial is manifest by priesthood leaders who deny the statistics showing that more than 70% of men ages 18 to 34 visit a pornography site on the Internet every month “because it just couldn’t happen here,” so they leave to the General Authorities the task of preaching about it and worry about more pressing matters such as increasing attendance at ward temple day. That’s denial. (Think about it: If those statistics are only half true, then 35% of the elders quorum has a pornography problem.)

“Optimism bias” is the attitude that “We’re special, therefore it couldn’t happen here—not in our family—not in our ward.” Just like the audience’s responses to Sharot’s questions, such beliefs are statistically impossible.

Speaking of statistics, consider these statistics from a 2007 Church News article: “One survey of children ages 7-17 indicated that 90 percent of them had seen online pornography, most while doing homework. In another survey of 16-17 year-olds, 48 percent said their parents knew little or nothing about what they looked at online. The average age for an addict’s first exposure is 11 years old. Studies also say that all male high school students have viewed it at one time or another” (“In Your Home,” Church News, March 3, 2007).

That same year, the Deseret News published an article showing that Utah ranked #1 for Web searches using the words “Jesus,” “family history,” Mormon,” and “home storage.” But it also ranked Utah #1 for these search words: “Pornography,” “naked girls,” “striptease,” “topless,” “nude,” “strip poker,” “lingerie,” “blonde,” and “brunette” (“What Do Utahns Google?” Deseret News, October 12, 2007).

All of this leads me to ask a more fundamental question: Why are we not hearing more about this issue? Except for General Conference settings, we hear very little – and especially not in priesthood or Relief Society meetings. Why? If we all agree that pornography is evil, soul-destroying, marriage-destroying, and absolutely addictive, then I see two possible reasons.

First, it could be that our “optimism bias” is telling us that those evils are much more likely to happen in other families and other wards—and that we are, thankfully, immune.

The second reason can be illustrated by a classic poem that I learned as a seminary student. It’s called, “The Fence or The Ambulance,” and it’s about a town that sat at the foot of a high cliff. Because of the spectacular view from the top, many people climbed the cliff, only to get too close to the edge, and, inevitably, they suffered a disastrous fall.

                      So the people said something would have to be done,

                      But their projects did not at all tally.

                      Some said, ‘Put a fence ‘round the edge of the cliff,’

                      Some, ‘An ambulance down in the valley.”

                      But the cry for the ambulance carried the day,

                      For it spread through the neighboring city.

                      A fence may be useful or not, it is true,

                      But each heart became brimful of pity

                      For those who slipped over that dangerous cliff,

                      And dwellers in highway and alley

                      Gave pounds or gave pence, not to put up a fence,

                      But an ambulance down in the valley.

                      “For the cliff is alright if you’re careful,” they said,

                      “And if folks even slip and are dropping,

                       It isn’t the slipping that hurts them so much

                       As the shock down below when they’re stopping!”

                       So, day after day, as those mishaps occurred,

                       Quick forth would the rescuers sally

                       To pick up the victims who fell off the cliff

                       With the ambulance down in the valley.

                       Then an old sage remarked, “It’s a marvel to me

                       That people give far more attention

                       To repairing results than to stopping the cause

                       When they’d much better aim at prevention.

                       Let us stop at its source all this mischief,” he cried,

                      “Come neighbors and friends, let us rally!

                      If the cliff we will fence we might almost dispense

                      With the ambulance down in the valley.”

The ambulance proponents argued that the old sage was a fanatic, saying:

                       “Aren’t we picking up folks just as fast as they fall?

                        And shall this man dictate to us? Shall he?

                        Why should people of sense stop to put up a fence

                        While the ambulance works in the valley?”

                        ["A Fence or an Ambulance," Joseph Malins]

It is entirely possible that, much like the ambulance proponents, many Latter-day Saints accept the fact that someone they know and love may have actually been enticed too close to the edge and have fallen victim to pornography. But they’re not worried. Why? Because even if someone does fall over the cliff, they reason, in the Church we have the best ambulances—and at the wheel are loving bishops and caring stake presidents who will work tirelessly to heal those broken souls and broken marriages. (As if they don’t have anything else to do!)

I side with the old sage in the poem: “If the cliff we will fence we might almost dispense with the ambulance down in the valley.”

The threat is real. Those who feel it can’t or won’t be a problem for Latter-day Saints “because we’re special” are wrong. It is precisely because we are special that it’s more likely to happen! Satan knows who we are, what we’ve covenanted to do, and what God expects of us. What a trophy for him if we ignore the warning signs until it is too late. Let us not allow “optimism bias” to lull us into a sense of false security. People we know are falling victim to this evil addiction. And even we ourselves are not immune.