It used to be a common practice for Church members to invite the full-time missionaries for dinner. But a few years ago our mission president instituted a new program where the missionaries could only be invited for dinner as long as they were accompanied by a non-member they were teaching or a less active ward member who needed fellowshipping.
With this in mind, we recently agreed to a request from our ward mission leader to host a dinner for a less-active, single sister. The full-time elders would also be there. When my wife called the sister to extend the invitation, she agreed to the sister's request that we also invite one of our ward missionaries, a single fellow with whom she'd become friends.
I anticipated that the event would provide a good opportunity for the sister to warm up to us as members as well as to the missionaries. Unfortunately the missionaries didn't have the same idea.
The elders arrived first. One of them was quick to announce that he was brand new to the mission and that he was actually waiting for approval of a visa so he could be on his way to Paris, France. No sooner had he introduced himself than he spied our piano and asked if he could play it. I said that would be fine, so he proceeded to play a song or two. As he played, I sensed he was regularly looking in my direction as if seeking my approval. When he was finished, he virtually dominated the conversation, volunteering much information about himself.
Our guest, the sister, soon arrived, accompanied by her male friend. Practically all of the dinner conversation took place between the two elders and the male ward missionary. Nothing they said was ever directed at this sister. All they talked about was themselves, laughing about stories from their past, comparing their interests, their abilities and accomplishments. During all of this I noted that most of the me-centered conversation was dominated by the new elder. What he shared was definitely interesting -- some was even inspiring -- but it was all about "me."
This went on during the entire dinner. The less-active sister who I'd thought was to be in the spotlight sadly became a silent spectator. The elders never directed a single comment or question to her. Because she hadn't said much, she finished her meal first, then sat silently with her arms folded while the "show" went on.. When I tried to engage her in a few moments of conversation, she gladly responded. But those moments didn’t last very long because the others continued to dominate the conversation.
After dinner we gathered for a spiritual message from the elders. Since this took place shortly before Christmas the senior missionary read the nativity story from Luke 2. Then he bore a fine testimony. I was asked for a comment which took about 15 seconds. The new elder then told of an experience he’d had with a non-member while the elders were bowling that afternoon (P-day), then the ward missionary launched into what became a 5-minute talk all about himself and his recent experience of once again becoming an active member of the Church. Throughout all of this the sister, arms folded, sat quietly without saying a word – and without any comment or question being directed at her.
The visit ended, we said our goodbyes, and I've been uneasy ever since as I’ve been thinking of the good that might have come from this experience if only the proper attention had been directed at our guest of honor and much less time had been spent with the “let me tell you about my favorite subject: me!” by the missionaries.
If I were in a position to counsel prospective missionaries and their parents I would remind them that a call to serve a mission is a call to forget themselves and focus on others. The mission call letter from the prophet doesn't say, “You are hereby called to go into the world and tell people all about yourself, call attention to your musical talents or ability to perform magic tricks, recount your family history, impress people you meet with your scholastic accomplishments and tales from high school, etc.”
Today's young people live largely in a me-centered world. Social media is used to spotlight oneself, not to show an unselfish interest in others. Forgetting oneself is not an easy thing to teach to 18 and 19-year-olds. Perhaps looking to the Savior’s example would be helpful. In all of scripture there is no record of the Lord ever approaching a group of listeners saying, “Let me tell you about the miracle I just performed,” or “Would you like to know how cool it is to walk on water?” or “I just love my calling.” How ironic that He whose life and mission have such eternal impact on the rest of us was so focused on serving – and saving – others.
Lest you misinterpret my feelings about that new missionary I should point out that he is an outstanding individual -- a fine young man. He comes from a unique and noble family and has some spiritual values uncommon in one his age. He has a firm testimony and has had some very special spiritual experiences. Unfortunately, his challenge as a missionary will be to resist temptation--not temptation to break the commandments but the temptation to make himself the main topic of conversation. Unless he quickly learns that lesson he will get in the way of the message he's been called to proclaim.
It has been my experience, not only as a missionary but in other positions of Church service, that those who have the most influence are the humble ones who follow the counsel found in Proverbs 27:2 - "Let another man praise thee, and not thine own mouth."
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